On the day that Lilly was born, I began a new tradition, and I am pleased to say that it is actually a tradition that I have been very consistent with. It was something that was suggested to me by my mother in law with the gift that she gave me for my baby shower. The gift was a simple package of stationary, and on the first page reads the following message,
"From the first tentative tinglings of new life, to the tearful heart tugs of dream-chasing departures, children change our lives. This collection of pages is designed for writing letters to your child as you journey together through learning, love and laughter. Milestones or millstones provide opportunities to share your thoughts and feelings. It is suggested that you keep these pages in this binder as a gift to be given at a later time - for example, on their 18th birthday, their wedding day, or the birth of their first child. Remember...Memories are fragile things, that often fade away. So, if you would preserve the past , write it down today."
On the day Lilly was born, I wrote the first card to her, telling her about the feelings and emotions I was experiencing on the day that I became a mother. A day I will never forget became a day that she will get a glimpse of through the words I wrote to her that day. I took the time to record those memories so that she can read it over and over again. I have continued this tradition for Lilly on many occasions; Christmas, Thanksgiving, her 1st and 2nd birthdays, the day she was blessed, Valentines Day, and many other days, and she now has quite a collection of cards that will continue to grow throughout the years of her life.
I began the same collection for Grayson, and while his only now contains a few including a letter on the day he was born, the day he was blessed, his first Christmas, and now this letter I am writing to him and Lilly today - his stack of letters will also continue to grow over his lifetime. I feel that it is a special way for me to record milestones of the lives of my children so that someday, when they are grown, and when I am old, they can reflect on a lifetime of memories through the eyes of their mother. Most importantly, my hope is that it will be a way that they can feel the sincere and unconditional love that I have for them. I have found so much joy in motherhood. It has been a life changing experience for me. The last 3 months, while I have been home on maternity leave, I have been so blessed to spend every day with Lilly & Grayson. The time I have spent with them has been priceless. The memories we have created, I will cherish forever. The joy of seeing my little girl learn to accept and love her little brother even though her entire world was just turned upside down by him being born. The happiness I felt the first day that Grayson smiled at me. The shriek of excitement from him while he was discovering his voice for the first time. The fun of bath time, and Lilly "helping" me to wash Grayson's hair. The cold winter walks in the neighborhood, with Lilly and Grayson bundled up "snug as a bug" so that I could get a little exercise. Making "Minnie Mouse" pancakes for Lilly...which she would have eaten EVERY day if I would have let her. Being able to go to storytime at the library with Lilly and Grayson and seeing Lilly dance at the Toddler Dance Party. Making forts in the living room and hearing Lilly say, "Nobody's gonna know where we are..." Singing and rocking Grayson to sleep and seeing him literally growing before my eyes. Hearing Lilly say to me tonight as I put her to bed, "Hold me like a baby," and then a few minutes later, "No....hold me like a big girl." She is becoming a big girl, and in a few short years, Grayson will be a big boy. How fast time goes by in this thing that we call life. I remember when I was in the Singles Ward, when I was about 21, Bishop Jensen shared a perception of eternity with me that I will never forget. He shared that, all of the air in the room we are in is representative of the pre-existence, before we came to life here on earth, and all of the air outside of this room, in the entire universe, represents our eternal life. The tip of a pin represents the time that we spend in our life here on earth, but what we do with that time will determine our joy and where we will spend the rest of our eternity. I feel so blessed with the wonderful life that Heavenly Father has given to me, and I feel so blessed that He has trusted me to raise these beautiful children during their lives here on earth. I have been blessed with an incredible husband who loves me and I love him. He is an amazing daddy to our children, and my love for him has grown beyond belief by watching him and the joy he finds in being a father. There is a line in my patriarchal blessing that says, "....I bless you that you will be prayerful and calm in your heart so that the spirit may direct you as you consider and wait and determine who that person is to be who can go to the temple with you to be sealed together for time and all eternity. Your purpose in doing that is to raise up a posterity to the Lord..." I was led to that man, and am so blessed to be able to spend an eternity with him.
Tomorrow I will return to my job at work, and while tonight is the last night of my maternity leave....my "job" as a mother will never end. It is the most important calling I have in this life. For now, I have many responsibilities that call me to return, and I feel confident in this decision, because I know that the Lord requires us to: "Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labour that he taketh under the sun all the days of his life, which God giveth him: for it is his portion. Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God." (Ecclesiastes 5:18-19) I do find joy in my labour, and while my emotions tug at my heart as I return to work tomorrow, I know that the my career is a gift from God that brings joy and reward to our family and will teach my children the importance of a good work ethic. As everyday I see the stress that so many face in the current economy that we are experiencing as a nation, I feel truly blessed that God has provided our family with the means to enjoy a life of temporal and spiritual abundance. I know that He has blessed us so that we can in turn bless others. I feel so fortunate also for the influences of family that Heavenly Father has placed in my life. I am blessed with parents who love each other and who love their children and who have taught me the gospel and the important things in life. I am blessed with siblings who I consider to be my best friends in the whole world. I have been blessed with in-laws who are as sweet as sweet can be and have raised Matt to be an incredible man, father and leader. The family I have married into is amazing, and has led me to a relationship that I value so much with my sister in law, Kelli that I will eternally be grateful for. She is who we are able to trust to help us provide the care and nurturing for Lilly and Grayson at this time in their lives, and words can not express the gratitude I have for the last 2 years and 5 months that she has lived with us. I count her and the influence she has on our family among the most important blessings in my life. I love her and while I know that she will not be with us forever, I cherish the memories we share, the friendship we have built and the childhood joys that she is helping to create for my children. Sometimes I wonder who Lilly thinks that her "Kelli" is. I think that in her little 2 year old mind, that everyone has a "Kelli" of their own. She is an amazing person and will someday be an incredible mother to children of her own.
And so, as I type these words with tears rolling down my face, I will tuck this letter into a card for each of my children that reads "Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened." Today is a day, similar to the day my children were born, that will now be remembered because I chose to "preserve the past" and "write it down today."
Lilly & Grayson, your mommy loves you!
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